Your Mom Goes To College

Happy Mother's Day! This post is dedicated to mothers.

So those of you who know me personally know that I have a somewhat twisted sense of humour... which means, among other things, that I go around telling Yo Mama jokes on Mother's Day.

- Yo mama's so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
- Yo mama's so fat she's got her own area code!
- Yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family!
- Yo mama's so fat that when she sits around the house she sits AROUND THE HOUSE.
- Yo mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it!
- Yo mama's so skinny, she turned sideways and disappeared.
- Yo mama's so skinny, instead of calling her your parent, you call her transparent.
- Yo mama's so skinny, she only has one stripe on her pajamas.
- Yo mama's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.
- Yo mama's so old her social security number is 1!
- Yo mama's so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
- Yo mama's so old that she was alive when the Dead Sea was only sick.
- Yo mama's so old, she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
- Yo mama's so old, she has an autographed bible.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was behind it.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying!
- Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.

And when I have children I am sure they'll say this:
- Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
- Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks at a map she sees people waving at her.
- Yo mama's so short, she be jumping off curbs talkin' bout "Weeee!"
- Yo mama's so short, her homies are the Keebler Elfs.
* and maybe the Yo Mama So Fat ones too. We'll see.

And if I decide to live in Europe...
- Yo mama's so poor she can't afford the O or the R.
- Yo mama's so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
- Yo mama's so poor she can't pay attention.

But more importantly, I recorded a solo for my mom just for kicks. This is one of the solos I didn't get in "A Chorus Line" because they switched my role out (and I didn't get any solos, ha ha).

A Chorus Line - Mother (by Joanne!)

I hate the sound of my voice but I really liked the song. It's short though.

And in honour of my London trip in two days, a song by the Spice Girls!



And you know who ELSE will be in London in two days? The Backstreet Boys...



(it sucks that Nick has a bad relationship with his mom, though.)

... and Josh Groban.



But my favourite "mom" song has to be Boyz II Men's "A Song for Mama."

I probably should not be doing this right now, but whatever.

5 Things found in my bag
1. Homework
2. Usually my laptop
3. Water bottle (all this running around Paname will make you thirsty, and they have NO water fountains anywhere)
4. Highlighters
5. Plus all the stuff you would find in my purse (I carry my life around with me. Literally.)

5 Things found in my purse

1. Keys
2. Cell Phone (this and "keys" are always the first two things on my checklist when I pack for anything)
3. Wallet
4. Moleskine (I love this book so much)
5. Digital Camera (because this is PARIS, for God's sake; there are a million things going on at any given time.)

5 Favourite things in my room

1. My giant sacred heart pendant (which my aunt Ruth bought in Paris seventeen years ago)
2. My malong (which has travelled the world with me, which will continue to travel the world with me, and in which I plan to be buried, according to Southern Filipino tradition.)
3. The giant print of Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly, which was put there by my host sister Marlene
4. The view (it just looks out onto a courtyard with nondescript buildings around it, but the fact that this courtyard is in PARIS makes up for the boring view.)
5. Nick (I mean, really. If you know me, I don't have to explain this at ALL.)


5 Things I always wanted to do

1. Go to Paris (and I'm heeeeeeeeeeeeeere!)
2. Dance competently en pointe. (I did one dance en pointe when I was seventeen, which links to the sub-wish that I had started ballet earlier. If I had, perhaps I might be able to do fouettes en pointe now... or be able to do fouettes period.)
3. Bartend. Not only do you make friends over alcohol, but it is good training for a psychologist (the listening, not the drinking).
4. Meet a celebrity that I liked (so far I've been lucky with Josh Groban, Andy Samberg, Orange and Lemons, and Carine Roitfeld. I'm still holding out for Nick Carter, though - it would be such a laugh to see him now after all those years of adolescent crushing. While I am not madly in love with him anymore, he will always hold a special place in my heart.)
5. Pretend to live a glamorous and luxurious life, like I like to do now, but NOT HAVE TO PRETEND.

5 Things I am currently into

1. Japanese television, especially the series "Nodame Cantabile"
2. Fashion (haute couture as always - especially since my friend Shanna and I bummed around during Fashion Week here - but especially the awesomeness that is H&M because it is all that I can afford)
3. Camille Dalmais (a French singer who goes just by "Camille"; I did a report in French class on her, and as she has just released a new (and BRILLIANT) album she is very in right now. I actually got to meet her
4. Hermes (which is linked to the first two things on this list)
5. Travelling the world and butchering everyone's language (so far I've slaughtered Dutch, Czech, German, Italian, French, Japanese, Spanish, Tagalog and Kapampangan.)

Stockholm Syndrome

Sitting in a park in Paris, France
Reading the news and it sure looks bad
They won't give peace a chance
That was just a dream some of us had
Still a lot of lands to see
But I wouldn't want to stay here
It's too old and cold and settled in its ways here

Oh, but California
California I'm coming home
I'm going to see the folks I dig
I'll even kiss a sunset pig
California I'm coming home

- Joni Mitchell, "California"


According to Wikipedia, UC Santa Barbara is:

- Holder of he #2 best school psych program in America as of Winter 2007, the quarter when it was obvious I would have to change out of the psych major
- The approximate location of the Hellmouth
- Ranked 94% selective, on a scale of 1 to 99, by the U.S. World and News Report
- The only university in California to offer an undergrad degree in Pharmacology
- Home to six Nobel Laureates (although any good tour guide will tell you that right off the bat, lest you think your precious darling is going to a good-for-nothing party school)
- The fourth most selective UC in admissions in 2005, the year I got accepted (I'm guessing the other three were Berkeley, which rejected me, LA, which I refused to apply to, and Davis, which accepted me)
- Third in applications to the UC system, behind LA and SD (neither of which I ever wanted to attend)
- Giver of Pell Grants to 25% of the student body (including my own lucky self)
- The 35th university worldwide (and the 27th in the United States) in the 2007 Academic Ranking of World Universities
- One of sixty American members (including Canada, sixty-two in all) of the Association of American Universities
- 44th best university (13th public, fifth UC - behind Berkeley (DUH), LA, San Diego and Davis) in America, according to US World and News Report in spring of 2008
- The #4 party school in the nation as of 2005, the year I entered
- The #10 party school in the nation as of 2007, and tied with the #3 party school (University of Austin) for highest-ranking party school (#44) according to US World and News Report
- Home to the only Freebirds outside of Texas besides Norman, Oklahoma (the newest branch), the first of the chain, and founded the year I was born
- Probably the only school whose mascot is named for Argentinean cowboys (which, coincidentally, lend their name to a style of pant popular with its female students)
- Second only to UC Berkeley (those hippies) in antiwar activity during the Vietnam years
- Associated with (although not located in) a city which is a sister city to where I was born
- Site of the first Kinko's (well, kind of - it's in IV, right at the border of campus where the bike path ends)
- One of a few universities in the United States with its own beach (which is why I chose it over Davis, har har).
- About a mile away from the first McDonalds to serve an Egg McMuffin, the McDo version of my favourite American breakfast food (Eggs Benedict)
- Going to have Nas play at Extravaganza this year (YOU BEEZIES. I LOVE NAS. Nobody stands between me and Mr. Jones.)
- Now home to Santa Catalina Dorms, the off-campus halls formerly known as Francisco Torres (and affectionately as "F--- Towers")
- Where I will graduate

You know, I don't feel that bad for being rejected by Berkeley a second time. I don't hate Santa Barbara as much as I used to, especially now that certain people are gone going to Berkeley would throw a wrench in my plans to graduate in 2009 with a double major ANYWAY, since they use semesters instead of quarters. Also, I can always find a place on the beach to be alone and just SING. I can't do that in Paris because the walls are so freaking thin, the music room at AUP is always reserved when I am free, and the parks are filled with tourists (or creepy people).

I love Paris (in the springtime!), and I don't want to go home yet (if ever, haha)... but I kind of do. If, for nothing else, you can eat wherever the hell you please without someone making a comment (French people look at you funny if you eat outside your house, a park, or a restaurant, even though everyone does anyway) and there's always someone to walk you home at 4 in the morning.