Two days left until I go back to reality

I guess I was always a bit of an outsider, wherever I was... but now I feel comfortable that way. You might not realize it, but everyone feels like an outsider on some level, especially when you're growing up." - Utada Hikaru

Was reading an interview with Utada on aramatheydidnt and these words just spoke to me, because I was always the outsider myself. Too Filipino for my American friends, too American for my Filipino family, too different from my Filipino-American friends... unfortunately, although I understand and feel Utada's words, my Daly City upbringing wasn't as exciting as her Tokyo-New York childhood.

I especially felt that awkwardness during this vacation, with Adriaan as an added external factor - as the mediator between him and my family (my world, more like) I felt a lot more Filipino than I used to, especially as I had to explain everything about the Philippines to him (not that the one-month vacation was enough). I also used my native dialect more, and even began to ease back into Tagalog. But after he'd left, it was so much more apparent to me how awkward and in-between I am, pinging between cultures, vacillating between jet-setting and provincial, and speaking this bastardised jumble of Tagalog, Kapampangan and English with bits of French, Spanish, and Italian (and Japanese mixed in for my Arashi-obsessed nieces).

But you know what? I like being this mixed up. Sometimes I wish I was more mixed up, actually - I would love to have had a crazy, globetrotting existence (well, more than I already do now). And considering the history of the Philippines itself, I think the Filipino people fit this extremely international/multicultural life better than anyone else in the world. (Just ask the Filipino janitors in Antarctica.)

Just something for me to ponder as I leave one home for another... and shiver in anticipation for the Utada concert next week!!!!